This… Pretty spot on
I’m worried it will expose too much.
I’ve survived thus far by living so far under a rock that no one notices me. I don’t know what’s kept me there…
But I don’t want to be there anymore. I want to breathe fresh air. I want to run and jump and dance and I don’t want anyone around to see it.
Where can I do that?
Maybe in paintings and stories. Maybe there I can be me. Little me who has so much to say, but I’ve been waiting so long for my turn to say it that I’ve nearly forgotten what it was I wanted to say.
It’s that I’ll be something. Something to remember. To many people. I will leave a mark.
I’m just not sure how… And the pendulum swings so far to either side of reality, of sane judgement.
It’s good when I like my art, when I feel that someone might look upon one of my drawings at some time in the future, and still feel an emotional connection to the artist that painted it.
To imagine that I’d have any positive effect on anyone outside of my personal circle is a dream. Hell, I’m honestly worried that I’ll just scar them…
Ahh, but as my shrink says, I need to contain that massive ego of mine, it’s so worried about been seen and not liked. Who gives a fuck, right? Sigh…
Time to hit post and make some tags and listen to some sad music 💜
The other day, my Aunt calls, distressed because she has to get rid of her plants. “Of course, I’ll take the orchids,” I say.
These are what she brought. #nicknames #organizing #newhashtageverytime
Above: a very mature #oncidium
This plant interests me very much because it is apparently originally from my Popo’s garden, making it over 20 years old. I can confirm my popo’s use of concrete pots. She had many yellow “popcorn orchid” in front of their home on Kawainui Street in these same concrete pots when I was a little kid over 30 years ago. My cousins and I used to play with the little black beetles that would come crawling out of the gravel in the pots after Popo had done her morning misting. Daniel and Kaipo would try and convince us younger kids that we should eat them.
We’ll call this plant #MargaretKamila, and hope it turns up yellow
Above: some #cattleya
Above: a #dendrobium with a will to survive. 3 keiki just starting on the far left. We’ll give her a name, because we’ll be tracking her progress.
As with most of my first orchids, by the time I began to look into orchid tending, these were already suffering from major root rot. This guy lost all his leaves, and never quite made it back. It would be my first loss. I am going to let it go in its pot on its own and see what happens. Maybe under a tree.